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Who hasn't been through a lot at this point? Han figures there's someone out there in the galaxy, completely oblivious to everything else going on and completely unaffected, but it's very difficult to picture just what that would be like.

"I don't know," and he gestures in vague dismissiveness that has no real direction, because he's too tired now to move enough to indicate one.

"I heard Goldenrod start asking about syntax and got out of there as fast as I could."

Loyal though they may be (and are, even Han can admit that), there was a time and place to care about the intricacies of their little relationship, and trying to recuperate after this particular battle might go down in history as the worst time for it.

"That's just what was he was programmed to do," Luke murmurs, leaning his head back so he's watching the ceiling.

The galaxy's probably big enough that there's someone out there who's had an easier go of it than they have, but surely just about everyone was affected by the Empire. By some wrongdoers, somewhere. That's why the Alliance had been so determined to topple the corrupt government, and...that's why the Jedi exist. A light in the Dark; a blade to defend the innocent. No, a shield -- protective, not destructive. Luke's taken destruction for the greater good too far as it is.

"If we never meet another Emperor's Hand, it'll be too soon. It was bad enough when he only had two of them."

A terrible, exhausted joke, but at least it's an attempt at humor, even if it's more for Han's sake than anything else.

Any shot is one Han will take at the moment, though he's too tired to laugh. Instead he sinks back further, wonders if he ought to get up and check on Leia and Chewie.

"Maybe the rest of them'll get tired of being hands. They can be..." At a loss, he scrubs his face for a moment with both hands, as if he can wake himself up that way. "They can be Emperor's Feet or something."

The Emperor's Feet. Luke makes a choked sound that would've been a laugh before this battle.

"I've seen his feet. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, no matter how horrible they are."

This isn't strictly true; he saw the Emperor's shoes for a good few seconds there, but there's no way such an evil, ugly old man would have nice feet.

He shakes his head. What part of that makes sense?

"You should go check on Leia," he suggests. It's less that he can tell Han thought about it and more just that he feels like Han's been away from Leia long enough. She still needs him. "Save her from Threepio's questions about grammar."

There's something like a chuckle from Han as he sits there, head tossed back, staring at the ceiling. Moving will be hard, but Luke is right, and Leia needs him. Probably more than him, but he has what he has.

"Yeah," and the annoyed groan he makes when he stands says more about his current state than words could convey. Tired and sore and exhausted in every way a human can be exhausted. Once he's up, though, Han isn't risking sitting back down.

He just points at Luke.

"Finish that."

Han all but radiates the exhaustion he's tried so hard to keep at bay, and it'll be good for him to be around Leia for his own sake too -- and maybe even get some rest.

Luke doesn't roll his eyes at the command, but he raises his eyebrows like he's seriously considering it. He even takes another bite to appease his friend before he leaves, offering a mock salute with what's left of the rations. They'll get eaten, probably, before (despite his earlier thoughts) he falls asleep on that couch. In any case, he's not leaving this nook any time soon.

He won't have to, but Luke does have to get off the Falcon eventually.

Then it's over a month before Han notices someone making inquiries about Mindor. What happened, timelines, wheres and whens and hows. What Luke was doing. What Luke was responsible for.

The kind of questions that are part of official investigations and court martials.

"Luke!" Han is not trying to be subtle about getting Luke to answer the door, which might become a problem as far as investigations go but he doesn't much care how anything he does looks to what he assumes is the New Republic's Internal Affairs department. "C'mon, kid, it's me!"

Oddly, he felt a little better after hiring Geptun. Or maybe it isn't that odd. The insistence, upon his and everyone else's arrival back to Alliance headquarters, that Mindor had overall been a military success and yet another victory from reliable General Skywalker -- despite the colossal losses, despite all the death -- has been driving Luke crazy. He'd been expecting some accountability, something. Anything but being reassured that he'd done the best he could and that people still think he's a hero. That Blackhole being repulsed for (hopefully) good made all that suffering not be in vain.

A hero. He hates it.

But none of that is on the mind with Han at his door, shouting through it like the building's about to burn down and Luke hasn't caught on yet. He answers the door in a hurry, alarmed and preemptively exasperated.

"What is it?"

"Did they start an inquiry?"

More hushed, now, but urgent. Accountability is one thing, Luke was accountable in spades at least to himself, but Han was not at all comfortable with the idea that someone who was never there, who has no idea what it was like, will be the one to judge the merits of what happened based on the opinions of whoever they convince to talk.

In contrast to all of Han's urgency, Luke only blinks and shrugs, looking confused.

"If they have, it's news to me."

With considerably less concern.

He makes a face, annoyed even as he slides past Luke and into the room, because if were official they had to notify him. Then again, if someone were really on a tear they wouldn't bother with protocol.

"Then did anyone come to you about Mindor? Guy's been getting around to every crewman still on Coruscant."

He lets the door slide shut behind him, turning to watch his friend angrily stalk into the room. Which probably gives Han a nice and clear view of his expression as that question sinks in; he goes from confusion to understanding to irritation in quick succession, ending all of that with a shake of the head. Maybe Geptun was a bad idea. Nick apparently talked up his ability too high, or Luke just severely overestimated his capacity to be discreet. Probably both.

"I know who you're talking about. Don't worry about him; he's not with the Alliance."

"Oh, no."

The realization hits him about halfway through Luke's explanation. The kid had been carrying the guilt from the moment he had to start fighting, and now he's having someone investigate himself? To find him more guilty?

"Tell me you didn't."

That would be a lie, so he shrugs.

"Nick recommended him." As if that makes it better. "When I asked, so don't go getting angry at him."

"Well, if he recommended him I guess that's fine."

Han sounds like he is decidedly not fine with this, however. Instead, after a few moments he rounds on Luke. "Why would you start an investigation? You know what happened."

"Me and who else?" Luke challenges, standing his ground. The weight of Han's disapproval isn't exactly a small thing, but neither is his own anger this time. He crosses his arms. "No one, that's who. But this time, I want to change that -- let people get the real story, not some made up fairytale they want to believe."

No heroes and no dragons, though the princess is an important part of it.

It's not that he disapproves of Luke, or of the need to know, without doubt. In another situation, he'd be more inclined to be patient and understanding.

That Luke did this without telling Han, or Leia... That he doesn't think their version of whatever truth there is about what happened is as important as his, as important as whatever this stranger is going to find, that's where the heft of anger and disappointment comes from. The implied accusation that they don't know stops Han for a moment, long enough to cross his arms and stare Luke down.

"You think most people care about the real story?"

As far as Luke's concerned, Han and Leia don't know -- because they weren't around any of the times Luke got innocent people killed, consciously chose to do things knowing there would be awful consequences. The only people who were there are now hurtling through deep space or dead.

If he were honestly looking for the truth, Han and Leia would've (or at least should've) been involved. But the need to hire an investigator came from something else, deeper and less easily articulated: what he's really looking for, deep down, is someone to punish him, and Geptun seemed like the most likely candidate to make that a reality.

"I think they're going to get it," he says stubbornly, "whether they do or not."

Han isn't unfamiliar with this. He remembers, very clearly, how Leia was (is) about Alderaan. Something in her pushing her forward into battle after battle, the way her eyes got when she'd see other survivors... Skywalkers and their need to have someone punish them is something he's dealt with before, and he knows no amount of saying it isn't Luke's fault will change it.

His expression doesn't exactly soften, but the angry looming dies down a little as he looks Luke over.

"What are you really doing this for?"

You don't paint a tin can and tell a Jawa it's a droid, and you don't present a distressed Skywalker to Han and expect him to believe the first explanation they give him.

There's a long, long moment where it seems like he might start yelling; and then, all at once, he deflates.

"Have you heard how people are talking about it? Ackbar called Mindor a victory. Everyone did."

A regrettable loss of life, clearly the fault of the villain Luke Skywalker vanquished. As cleanly as that, people have already found ways to adjust the story to something prettier, to what they want to believe. To continue their fairytale of the great hero who doesn't even exist.

"Because they don't like calling anything a loss."

It's something he had learned early on in his military career. Either it was a win or it was a loss, and as long as you didn't retreat while there were still concussion missiles to launch, they liked the sound of 'victory.'

Especially true for a new government, a new military. Any battle they walk away from and don't call a victory is going to make every idiot warlord thing they have a shot at taking everything over. Or at least a little corner of the galaxy where they can play Emperor of the Castle with whatever cronies they manage to keep around.

Han puts a hand out to put on Luke's shoulder, then seems to think better of it and shake his head as it drops to his side.

"You can't do this to yourself, kid."

He knows. If it'd happened to someone else, if that burden of guilt weren't crushing him so thoroughly, he'd even point that out himself. Perceptions have a lot of power, both for good and bad. What hurts so much is how much perceptions of him have become wound up in the New Republic propaganda and their determination to have a grand, larger than life figure. No one becomes a rebel for the glory, and that goes for him as much as anyone else; he'd always wanted to make a difference, strike back against the cruel, indifferent Empire. Destroying the Death Star all those years ago was revenge as much as any idealistic dreams. Becoming a Jedi was to topple the dreaded Vader and his Emperor, try to follow the footsteps left by family legacy. Endor had been bad enough, with all the rumors about what happened aboard the second Death Star (which Blackhole had used to his advantage), but to see the same happening after Mindor is unbearable.

Luke sighs, shaking his head, moving to collapse into one of the chairs and burying his face in his hands.

"I can't do this at all. Any of this. If I have to hear one more person calling me a hero --"

Edited 2015-09-10 02:46 (UTC)

"Then go somewhere they won't."

At some point, Han will have to admit that just running from problems wasn't the best solution. But right now, it's the only one he can think of. Maybe not run to somewhere that no one will call him a hero, but somewhere that will call him a hero for a better reason than they were doing here. A reason that isn't Mindor, has nothing to do with darkness or Darkness.

Slowly, as if he's approaching a wounded animal, Han steps over and puts a hand on Luke's shoulder. "Or just stop listening."

Running isn't exactly in Luke's nature, even when it's only in his head. If it were, he might've actually been firm in his decision to resign instead of letting himself get talked into a promotion. The simple insinuation that he would be doing the New Republic a disservice by leaving wouldn't have bothered him so much.

He only deflates further when he feels Han's hand on his shoulder, like it weighs a lot more than it really does, and shudders out a sigh.

Both options seem impossible: there's nowhere to go, and to stop listening would involve blocking out pretty much everyone except Han, Leia, Chewie, and the droids.

Running might not be in Luke's nature, but Han is more than skilled enough in it for the both of them. The kid needs rest, real rest, something far away from Coruscant and the New Republic and --

"C'mon," and he squeezes Luke's shoulder. "We're going."

No arguments, no packing. It's not like they haven't shared clothes before, or left somewhere in a hurry. He can comm Leia on the way to the Falcon so she doesn't worry.

PICK YOUR POISON
PIC PROMPTS / TFLN / RANDOM SCENARIO
HAN SOLO velocities	BETTY MCRAE bombsheller	RIVER TAM subsulcus	RIVER TAM (AU) comprehender
SIMON TAM vest	BRIA THAREN exulted	NADINE CROSS bridaled	GU JUN-PYO toddler
available on special request: veronica sawyer, benjamin linus, imani, maria deluca, mushu, poseidon, niccolò machiavelli, malik al-sayf, chloe

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well this is awkward

hey, han isn't the one who hired someone to investigate himself

IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME.

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