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[gidge]

PICK YOUR POISON
PIC PROMPTS / TFLN / RANDOM SCENARIO
HAN SOLO velocities	BETTY MCRAE bombsheller	RIVER TAM subsulcus	RIVER TAM (AU) comprehender
SIMON TAM vest	BRIA THAREN exulted	NADINE CROSS bridaled	GU JUN-PYO toddler
available on special request: veronica sawyer, benjamin linus, imani, maria deluca, mushu, poseidon, niccolò machiavelli, malik al-sayf, chloe

Comments

[outlive]

There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?

[steerclear]

Your issues with contraceptives aren't my fault.

[outlive]

Last I checked, babies didn't go from conception to birth overnight.

[steerclear]

Are you trying to imply that you suspect I've secretly gifted you a baby in the middle of the night?

I was drunk but I wasn't that drunk Birdboy.

[outlive]

I'm saying that someone did. Why, is beyond me

[ setting aside the fact that, a lot like bruce, he cares for every child in sight ]

[steerclear]

Maybe you've finally become an actual kid magnet. Congratulations on your superpower.

It doesn't have a hospital tag on it to make shit easy on us, does it?

[outlive]

Yeah, that must be it.

[ also like: ]

You got me. When I found a mysterious baby in my apartment, the first thing I did was text you, not look for any obvious identifiers or information about where he or she came from.

[steerclear]

[ look, if dick thought to contact jess at all he did so knowing full well what would happen. ]

Calm your blue tits, I'll check around the hospitals. Maybe you should change a diaper and figure out your bundle of joy's pronouns.

[ has she made a list in a notebook somewhere of embarrassing bird names?

maybe. ]

1/2

[outlive]

You know what? That's actually a new one.

[ most people are pretty unoriginal with the "dick" or bird-related cracks, but points for creativity. ]

[outlive]

[ not immediately after, but also not too long later, ]

Our baby's a she, and Rachel wants to call her Daenerys.

[ see what he's dealing with! ]

1/2

[steerclear]

You can't let a baby name another baby. Especially not something like that. Pretty sure that counts as child abuse.

[steerclear]

And what the fuck do you mean 'our baby'? I'm not responsible for this shit.

[ she says, as she makes calls and does searches about missing babies in the metro area and plans to head over to dick's place as soon as she's done. ]

[outlive]

Try telling that to Rachel.

[ a there-and-gone flash of bitterness: there are so much worse things someone can do to a child. ]

Are you always this defensive about figures of speech?

[steerclear]

[ oh, jess is very familiar with the worse things someone can do to a child. she's just an asshole to cope. ]

I am when someone's implying my custody of a child.

No hits on missing babies from the hospitals BTW, and since there isn't an Amber Alert blowing up our phones it probably hasn't been reported to the police, either. Heading over now.

[outlive]

Shit.

[ and because jessica's probably thinking it already -- ]

Maybe someone abandoned her.

[steerclear]

Maybe.

[ it's unfortunate, but they certainly could've put the baby with worse people than dick grayson. ]

How big is she?

[ jess is gonna stop at a bodega and get diapers, but there's sizes and whatever. gotta get the right one. ]

[outlive]

[ he's just going to send her a photo of the baby, a few months old, sitting on a blanket he's spread out over his bed. rachel's sitting next to her and poking her belly, making her laugh. ]

That help?

[steerclear]

Eh, we'll see.

[ turns out: pretty damn helpful. sometimes, as if to spite her worldview, people are nice and jess got some expert advice (with the help of a few lies about whose baby it is she's shopping for and why she doesn't already know what size diapers to get) from a mom also out getting diapers. she also ends up with formula, some baby food, and a few red bulls.

she has a feeling they'll need them soon enough. ]

[outlive]

[ when dick hears the knock on his door, he has a moment where he really damn hopes that's jessica -- supervillains can be surprisingly polite about knocking sometimes -- but, of course, it is. he greets her tersely, waving her inside towards the open door to his bedroom, where rachel's still flopped on the bed and cuddling the baby. she sits straight up when she sees jessica, though.

"is that jessica jones?"

dick arrives a half-minute after, having paused to lock the door behind him, and opts to ignore rachel's question. ]

You have good timing.

[steerclear]

[ yeah, jess doesn't get the polite ones often enough to get anxious about knocking.

before dick makes it back to the room, rachel does get a, "no, it's the fucking tooth fairy," from jess before she starts unloading her baby haul onto the bed. ]

What, you never changed a diaper before, Grayson?

[outlive]

[ look.

it's not paranoia if you're right.

rachel, who spends all her time around people like kory and dick, is a little abashed but unoffended by jessica's response. she also gets out her phone immediately and starts typing with an alacrity that suggests she's telling gar about what he's missing out on. ]

You could say I'm out of practice. [ that's a no. ] Have you?

[steerclear]

[ she'd probably be a little nicer to the kid if she wasn't already going to have to be nice to this baby. there's only so much of that jess can spread around in one day, and the baby probably needs it more. ]

I babysat for some of the neighbors when I was a kid. [ she does not clarify pre- or post-accident. doesn't really matter, either way it's been a while, but at least it isn't never. ] Not like it's hard.

[ diaper changing is actually pretty easy, and jess has the diapers, the wipes, and some powder just in case. she leans down to bring the baby closer to her on the bed, actually smiling for a moment when she reaches out with little baby hands to grab at jessica's fingers and pull them to her mouth.

this baby, though, smells ripe as hell, so she looks over at dick and says: ] You mind if there's baby shit on your bed?

[outlive]

My extracurricular activities didn't net me any pocket change.

[ and if she looks at him, he'll smile briefly and faintly. because he was adopted by a billionaire, get it!!!!

rachel hops out of the way when jessica starts to move the baby, sitting in the corner unobtrusively to keep texting gar. and maybe try to steathily take a snap of jessica, as evidence.

dick, meanwhile, takes a couple of steps closer to her, feeling like he should make himself useful but not having any fucking clue how. he puts his hands on his hips momentarily at jessica's question, then waves. ]

I'll wash it all later. Should you be cursing in front of Daenerys?

[ from her corner, rachel beams at him. the name's catching on. ]

[steerclear]

[ oh, she looks at him for that. more like a glare, followed by a nod over at rachel. if she ends up some mom meme on reddit after this, it's dick's ass that she's gonna kick. ]

Really? At least call her Dani or something. Something the kid can spell.

[ and, now that the baby is closer, jess gets to work with prep -- opening the diapers, pulling the wipes and powder closer, and finally she maneuvers the little one onto her back. at which point, those little legs start to kick and flail. ]

You wanna help you can keep her from kicking me in the face while I do this.

[outlive]

I think spelling's the least of her concerns right now.

[ it'd be easy to say who abandoned her or what's going to happen to her are her biggest concerns, but. honestly. the small child is currently grabbing for any of jessica's hair that falls near her, so having something to play with seems like her biggest concern at the moment.

dick steps in closer, and then reaches over to gently hold onto her little ankles. she wriggles and makes a small noise of discontent, but it's all clear right now. ]