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[gidge]

PICK YOUR POISON
PIC PROMPTS / TFLN / RANDOM SCENARIO
HAN SOLO velocities	BETTY MCRAE bombsheller	RIVER TAM subsulcus	RIVER TAM (AU) comprehender
SIMON TAM vest	BRIA THAREN exulted	NADINE CROSS bridaled	GU JUN-PYO toddler
available on special request: veronica sawyer, benjamin linus, imani, maria deluca, mushu, poseidon, niccolò machiavelli, malik al-sayf, chloe

Comments

[vest]

Simon manages a laugh at that, though it's...

Quiet, amused but held back. A little bitter. Maybe a lot bitter.

Most days it isn't hard to wonder about what-ifs, the past. He'd wanted to be a doctor for as long as he could remember, wanted to be the one that fixes people. That takes something impossible and heals it, restarts a heart or replaces a lung. There's power in it, a kind of high knowing he has the knowledge and the skill at his disposal to save a life. Others in his class were after that first and foremost, and the credits it would earn them, but from Simon's perspective it was a duty, too. Money wasn't a real goal, considering his family, and power had never really interested him.

He wanted to help. He felt responsible. Why would he be so good at this if he wasn't meant to use it, to do what he could?

Ever since River went to the Academy, that sense of responsibility narrowed down to a single point focused on her recovery, but he's not going to ignore a problem that's right in front of him. He's going to do what he can.

"The God Complex of a doctor. They get handed out when you start medacad," is meant to be a joke, but there's more truth in it than he'd like to admit.

[quixano]

He laughs, obligingly. Just briefly. But what he remembers is Dresden in the echoing hallways of Thoth, ranting about the protomolecule and the fate of humanity and brushing aside the deaths of everyone on Eros like they were nothing. Less than a rounding error, he'd said.

"There are worse things."

[vest]

Not all doctors and their God Complexes are created equally. It's not lost on Simon that there are those out there doing the worst with the skill they have. How can he, when he's reminded of it every time he sees his sister? How can he with this crew, where even with the barest details about what happened on Eros he knows the story already: someone decided to test the limits, and didn't care about who died to make it happen.

He doesn't laugh when he agrees, just a tired, "Yeah, a lot worse," before the autodoc beeps its indication of being done with the scan. He also doesn't elaborate on that observation, just pushes off from the counter to undo the cuff for Holden.

"That's all I need for now. I'm sure you have other things to take care of."

BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME

[acreage]

For a while, that's the end of it. Life goes on as it does on the Roci, which is to say they get swept up in multiple system-wide crises in between quieter gigs to bring in some cash. They acclimate to the Tams' presence, and hopefully the same happens in return.

And then Simon suggests returning to his own system for medical supplies.

"Excuse me?"

SURPRISE, BITCH

[vest]

They do acclimate, in bits and pieces. River probably better than Simon at most turns, even if she finds every opportunity to remove her magboots and walk barefoot through the ship. Most of his time is spent in the medbay, working on treatment plans or immediate traumas of the day's crisis.

For this conversation, though, they're in the kitchen. With coffee, because neither of these men know how to just stop and rest, and this is something Simon has been considering for a while.

"There's a treatment plan I think is worth attempting, but the drug series is only available through Alliance-based pharma." He says it steady, like he's rehearsed it in his head.

[acreage]

"A treatment plan."

His mind goes to River, because that's the natural assumption. It's usually River's treatment that's the concern, Simon constantly troubleshooting her health and trying to figure out better ways to help her approach some semblance of normal.

"What drug series is this? Maybe we can try finding it on the black market before making a trip over there."

[vest]

It ought to be something for River. Simon is well aware that she should be his focus, but he tells himself that this is the relatively easier puzzle. This is a puzzle with all the pieces still on the board, one that can be solved. (He ignores the implication that his sister cannot be solved, leaves that resignation for another day.)

He considers Holden's suggestion, though.

"We can check, of course. But cancer meds barely make it out to the Rim, let alone to inter-system black markets."

[acreage]

Holden had been turning back to the coffeemaker, a hand reached out to pick up his mug. And then Simon's answer starts to register, and he pauses.

And then Simon's answer fully registers, and he turns around.

[vest]

Meanwhile, Simon was under the impression he'd been clear about this from the beginning, and is standing innocently considering the potential availability of the drugs on the black market.

"We can always try to get in contact with the Serenity again, if we need to."

[acreage]

"Hold on a minute."

He punctuates that with holding his hands out briefly so Simon stops.

"You want to go back to your system, the same place where you and your sister are fugitives, where the government is experimenting on kids, to find...some different anti-cancer meds?"

[vest]

Well, he gets Simon to stop, so there's that.

Though he does stand back a little, arms crossed in what is an attempt to look casual and not defensive.

"I think want is a little hyperbolic."

Want doesn't factor into it, really. Getting Holden better treatment is what he's supposed to do, end of story.

[acreage]

"Then what is so special about these meds that you believe they're worth all that risk?"

He crosses his own arms, not exactly demanding, but. Definitely judgmental.

[vest]

Simon watches as Holden takes the most captain-y stance possible when they're standing around the kitchen and tries to not feel like a child. (He is a child. He and River both are children alone in a world that they don't know.)

"They get the best results with the lowest risk of catastrophic side-effects."

[acreage]

"Aside from the catastrophic side-effect of putting you in danger."

Then he shakes his head, turns to pick up his almost-forgotten second (third? fourth? of the day? who knows?) mug of coffee.

"No, it's not worth the risk."

[vest]

"I'm so glad we could have an in-depth discussion about the risks and benefits before you made your decision, Captain."

And, look, smarting off is not the best option, but it's a familiar one. It's a well worn path he's helpless to walk sometimes, stuck between being an authority figure and being beholden to one.

[acreage]

He breathes out, both to maintain the pretense of a calm he doesn't entirely feel, and to check himself. He can feel a headache building at his temples, but he resists rubbing them.

"I tolerate my current meds well, they're cheap and easy to get, and side-effects are minimal." Just to make the point that he's not being completely irrational here, even if Simon isn't wrong. "Convince me that what you're looking at is a better option."

[vest]

Simon isn't unfamiliar with arguing a treatment plan, and it's ground he's more comfortable on than any other part of this conversation.

So he does.

He outlines the actual problems Holden doesn't see with his current meds, the long term damage being done, the tumors that still grow with them in his system, the lack of an end in taking them. And then he talks about the new drugs. Not that they don't have side-effects, too, but they won't cause long term damage. Holden will still have a liver, his kidneys, at the end of treatment. Which will have an end -- not soon, and maybe even not ever, but there's a chance.

"It's your treatment, you get to decide, but as your doctor that's the course I'm advising."

[acreage]

As Simon talks, and Holden listens, Naomi pauses in the hallway behind them. And then, quietly, moves towards the doorway, hearing out Simon's entire explanation.

She doesn't speak until after Simon finishes, because she knows what's going through her captain's head. How he'd agree without much convincing if it were for River or any of the rest of them. How he's weighing the dangers in his head against the temptation of the benefits.

"What do we have to do to get those treatments?"

She walks into the kitchen properly then, eyes on Simon.

Though she acknowledges Holden's reproachful look with a, "It sounds like a good option, Jim."

[vest]

Ah, finally someone on his side.

Still, his stance shifts a little awkwardly at the very legitimate question now on the table.

"Theft, probably. We can check the black markets, but I doubt they've gotten this far." Simon pauses, looks between Naomi and Holden. "If it's any comfort, this wouldn't be my first time planning the theft of hospital supplies."

[acreage]

"We'd have to go back to their system. The one with the hostile psychopaths in control of their government."

Because he's not sure Naomi heard that part, and it's a salient point. Also, like, lest they forget the dangers of this idea.

Naomi takes that in, and Simon's answer, with the appropriate amount of concern. She crosses over to where Holden stands, says, "Anything that means we might get to keep you around longer is something I want to hear about. And we all get to decide what risks we take."

Then, to Simon, "That does help. If we do this, we have to do it right. There might not be a second chance to get more of the medicines."

"And we don't do anything until we've had this discussion with the whole crew." Holden reminds them. "Alex, Amos, River, everyone."

[vest]

For a moment, when Holden says River's name, there's an expression of shame that flits across his face. But then he nods his agreement.

"Of course."

It's certainly a different method of decision making than there had been on Serenity, where Mal made the decision and everyone else figured out how to live with it.

[acreage]

There are conversations after this.

Conversations between Jim and Naomi, where he agonizes about putting them all in danger needlessly, selfishly; where she talks him down, where she reminds that his health and long-term well-being aren't needless. Where he admits, like it's a confession, that he does think the newer treatment sounds better. Something easier on the body, something that might even come to an end one day....that's a big hope, a siren's call despite his best efforts.

Conversations with the entire crew, where Simon's allowed to explain everything, where Holden reminds everyone he'd never ask them to do something like this just for his own sake. Where Amos agrees readily, easily enough, since Naomi wants to and since it'd help the captain. Where Alex frets that he didn't realize it was this bad ("It's not that bad, Alex."), never put much thought into it; and of course he agrees.

Conversations that end in them agreeing to check the black market, make contact with the Serenity, and then start heading towards Alliance-controlled territory.

[subsulcus]

River had agreed with a solemn nod when they all looked in her direction, her mouth drawn into a thin line.

Then she'd gotten up and left the room to let them talk about the rest of it, Simon looking after her like he was as lost as she was. Is. Will be, probably forever.

After that, she's as mercurial as ever, moods never staying for longer than a few hours. At turns she's morose, paranoid, excited to see Kaylee again, terrified and hiding in her room, watching her brother plan in the medbay from the doorway with a smile. She turns on a dime when it happens, sudden and unpredictable.

It's only natural that this would make Holden have second thoughts about the whole plan of action.

[acreage]

He says, one day, "It's not too late to turn back."

He leans in the doorway of the room, arms loosely crossed. Giving her some breathing room as he tells her, clearly having paused on his way somewhere.

"If you don't want to go back there, you can say the word. I'll cancel the trip. No one has to know you said anything."

[subsulcus]

She's sitting on her bunk -- curled up, back to the wall, chin resting on her knees -- when Holden leans in.

It's a good offer. A kind one, even if it tastes like biting back his own blood.

River looks up at Holden and shakes her head.

"He needs to."

Not, 'you need this,' no oblique mentions of fear or the lack thereof. Just He needs to, simple and unfiltered. She agreed because it's what Simon needed to do.